I recently went to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy. As I sat down next to an older man, I looked at my watch hoping I would make it in and out quickly. He looked over at me and said,
“You’re different”. (Crickets chirping)
Uuuhhm, thanks for noticing?
“How so?” I asked.
He then informed me that usually when someone comes into a waiting situation they pick a seat away from anyone else who is already waiting. Thus, American etiquette. I apologized and we laughed. After finding out he was a retired maintenance worker for a Boy Scout camp and that I was a stay at home mom/used to be 911 dispatcher, my prescription was ready and I was on my way.
I realized as I headed to my vehicle that I was indeed Africanized in another way. African’s don’t know what a comfort zone is. Plain and simple, they have no bubbles or lines to cross. They don’t always know what is appropriate in our standards, not that they are the only ones to go on. I had many children, as well as grown men and women, poke at my children’s cheeks and chest – things that might not ever come to my mind when meeting a child for the first time. But totally acceptable to them, either way.
One thing that I have found extremely difficult, which is one thing that I thought I loved to do or that was something that I should strive for, is having people in my house. Sure, I love to have people come visit, I love to have my friends stay overnight, I love to have a house that is open in case someone comes and needs its services. I have been told that I am very good at providing a relaxing and well met environment for people that do stay, but still I do not like the actual having someone else in my space. We had a house worker who did laundry, cleaned, and watched the kids and helped cook meals. I was uncomfortable every single second she was in my house. And I am realizing that I am that way in my home too.
This seems to be a new revelation to me, since I have wanted and yearned for company. Since I have dreamed about having the resources to house people not of my immediate family. I need to have time alone at night by myself. I need to know that things that I can’t afford to replace are not going to be broken. I don’t know.
This is going to be a struggle for me as we head back to Uganda, as almost everyone has one or two women that work in the home helping with laundry, cooking, and childcare. Almost everyone has someone working outside in the garden or just around the grounds taking care of things so you can concentrate on your missions work. If you feel the need, please help me in praying for my heart to be changed and for someone to come along that I can really except into my family as another member, whom I feel comfortable with. And don’t feel like you can’t ever come over to my house here (or there); just let me know you’re coming first!
I think your “need to have time alone at night by myself,” is something that God built into you. It is your time to reflect, to plan, to pray and to dream. Everyone – and I do mean everyone – has to have time to that. People who say they don’t need need that time are probably not in touch with themselves or maybe delusional?? Some people may need time in the morning or take time on their commute, but, as a stay at home mom, it makes perfect sense that you need it at night. What other time of the day can you have it? I need it in the morning and have always gotten up much earlier than I need to in order to have it.
Your second statement: “I need to know that things that I can’t afford to replace are not going to be broken.” probably is something you get from your mother – and is one that I will pray that God will give you a change of heart about… 🙂